Guess what? I’m going to talk about graduation again!
We had my daughter’s graduation open house last weekend. It poured rain, we all crowded around the kitchen island, and I got to meet some of Loretta’s friends, teachers, and coaches for the first time. I got to see the vibrant life she has outside of this house and how she has shown up for so many people. And I teared up every time someone new walked through the door. Neighbors, Loretta’s kindergarten teacher, friends who came just for me. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to see all those faces. Parenting is a marathon. Though there’s not a finish line, it’s safe to say I’m a little tired at this point, and all these folks were there with the water. You can do this! You’re doing it!
There are a few people throughout my life who have taught me about the power of showing up. My friend Jackie always said, “People remember who came to their baby shower.” She modeled this beautifully, and I have taken this to heart. It doesn’t mean I RSVP “yes” to every invitation I get or that I wear myself out party-hopping. Yes, I leave texts unanswered sometimes! Yes, I’ve occasionally been a no-show. But if I’m invited to something, I take it seriously. Here are a few other things I try to live by when navigating my relationships and invitations:
In-person stuff is precious. We are seeing with Gen Z that they actually don’t know how to put themselves out there anymore, whether it’s a phone call, dating, or chatting with a stranger. This is a huge loss. We are losing the ability to be improvisational, to look silly in a real-time conversation, to be awkward together.
A “no” is better than a no-show. I try to RSVP early (and I’m not always successful) and be honest about whether I’ll be there or not. If I’m on the organizing end of something, I can’t overstate how much I prefer this to people canceling late or never responding.
The person who cancels is responsible for rescheduling. If it’s a one-on-one meet-up and I cancel, it’s my job to offer some other times. Don’t make the other person do the work. This is a way to lose friends.
A quick hello still counts as showing up. There were some people who stopped by our open house that were here for 15 minutes. I remember that they came, and it meant a lot to me.
Keeping commitment is “Type Two Fun.” Which means, “I didn’t want to go, but I’m glad I did.” In the moment, it’s often much easier to order in, cancel the meet-up, postpone. Sometimes, that’s exactly the right thing to do. But not as often as we do it. If there’s any way we are going to make it in this suffering world, it’s together.
Don’t say, “Let’s get together sometime” and never do anything about it. This is my biggest rant about living in the Pacific Northwest. Loneliness is literally killing us. It’s worth it to be inconvenienced in the short-term to build long-term community.
Thank you to all the people who have modeled this to me. May you find the energy to show up for yourself, to show up for others, and be energized because of it.