I recently facilitated a team that contained one of my previous vocational coaching clients. When I first met them several years ago, they were miserable in their organization and came to me for some tips on how to cope. Over several months, they ended up deciding to leave. Last week, as I worked with and for them in a new setting, I got to see how that decision has paid off. We each teared up a little bit as I acknowledged their courage and noticed how happy and fulfilled they are now.

I’ve been privileged to support many clients who are in processes of vocational discernment. Some are excited to be exploring their options. More often, my clients feel overwhelmed, less inclined to trust themselves, nervous about an unknown future. If you’re in any of those places, I offer a few tips and questions that I’ve come to rely on over the years:

  • “Meaningful work” is a redundant phrase. Don’t be lured by this idea that your job must somehow corral all your greatest passions into a paycheck. If you are working to put food on the table for yourself and your family, that is the primary meaning of work. (You can read more here about how to create a life that recognizes and supports a “good enough” job.)
  • A good supervisor is golden. I’ve seen many clients leap into what seems like their dream job only to end up with an inept, uninspiring, or unethical boss. If you have a boss you respect and a good relationship with them, see what you can build together. If your situation is the opposite and you don’t have much hope they will evolve, start looking around.
  • What’s the quality of your unease? Are you under or over-stimulated? There are different prescriptions for each. If you do have a boss with high EQ, talk with them about needing less, more, or different work and see where the conversation goes. You don’t have much to lose at this point (see this helpful discussion of job-crafting.)
  • How your team functions is more important than how the organization functions. Especially in a large organization, there is a lot you can’t control, and the org will likely go through big swings of centralization and decentralization that toss you around. This is just how it is. The way to maintain equilibrium is to help create the kind of microclimate you want with the people you see every day.
  • Leaving will mean you are trading known frustrations for unknown frustrations. You will probably get a honeymoon period, and it could even last for 2 or 3 years while you get your bearings and prove yourself. But the frustrations at your new job will appear, and the skills you learn right now in whatever transition you are in will help you when this comes up again.
  • You can’t steer a ship that’s not moving. If you’re unhappy in your job, you need to start taking action. Either reframing using some of these prompts, hiring a coach, applying for other jobs. Whatever movement you make will give you more information to keep charting your course.
  • If you the founder of your business or non-profit, you’re allowed to leave, too. This is a much longer discussion, but just because you started something doesn’t mean you have to stay there forever. In fact, it might mean the exact opposite.
  • Sometimes you need to get the hell out of there! If you are getting physically sick before work, being asked to do things that don’t align with your values, or finding yourself with no energy for your actual life, those are big red flags. Ask your parents for a loan or take temp work or take a next “good enough” job even if you’re only there a short time. I see a lot of “golden handcuffs” where my clients are paid a lot to do work they no longer find satisfying. Their life force is being drained from them so they can still have their prestigious title and go on the 2-week cruise next summer, and it’s no way to live.

If you find yourself nodding along here, good for you! You are getting in touch with something that’s ready to be explored. You can download my Vocational Discernment Questions worksheet here if you’re ready to go a little deeper. And of course, sitting in my sunny office listening to clients ask themselves these questions is my favorite thing to do! Whatever your questions are at this time on your path, may you not be alone in them.