No Grand Gestures

I’m going to be a real scrooge here for a minute and say that I dislike many videos, memes, and social media stories that highlight grand gestures. Heroic, expensive, time-intensive overtures like surprise vacations, huge fundraising campaigns, or extravagant gifts. It’s not that there isn’t a place for these, but these stories give us a false idea of what true, sustainable, quieter generosity is.  

 I’m very influenced by the maxim to practice small acts of generosity whenever the impulse strikes. Not necessarily during the holidays, not just on people’s birthdays, though birthdays are important. Simply as a way to participate in the generous flow of life.  

I’m an early riser, and the pre-dawn hours are a prime time for me to check in with myself, say prayers for those I love, and be open to generous impulses. That practice has led me to do things like: 

• Reply to newsletters from the non-profits I support. Executive directors tell me that most of their carefully curated stories and requests go out into the void. Often to no response at all. I have picked one organization to put in the spotlight—my goal is to read and reply to every single one of their updates. Staff there have told me what a difference it has made. 
• Make extra soup at dinner and bring it to my elderly neighbors. 
• Leave extra time for walk with the dog around the neighborhood in case I run into neighbors. It makes all the difference in the world to actually relax into a conversation. 
• Send texts to whoever the universe tells me to. I know this sounds silly, but I really feel as if I receive direct transmissions sometimes: “____________ needs to know they are loved and on your mind today.” 
• Send snail mail. So much snail mail! 
• Bring small handmade gifts (usually a little painting, bag of granola, or cookies) to my massage therapist, hairstylist, dog walker, clients, friends, or whoever else I will be seeing that day. 
• Take seriously any moment a young person wants or needs time from me. Sharing our wisdom with one another is something I live for. 
• Use more questions than statements. 
• Look my mechanic in the eye when I hand off my keys and say, “I really appreciate you doing this today.” 
• When someone says, “We should get together soon,” text them back with possible dates. One of the biggest gifts we can give one another is our commitment and specificity. 

Beyond a postage stamp or buying pantry staples, none of these require money. They aren’t extravagant. But I do them all the time. And I’d like to say I don’t expect anything in return, but these practices have taught me that I DO get things in return. I get deeper relationships with people. I get calls in the middle of the night—the honor of being there for people when they need it most. And I get the overwhelming sense of well-being that comes from orientating myself toward the well-being of others. As you’ve heard me say many times, self-care is only part of the picture. We need to give care, receive care, and take care. May your cup be full this season. And if it’s not, may you be vulnerable enough to receive. It’s all the same energy.