I’m inspired by Bill Gates’ announcement that his foundation will shut its doors in 20 years. He says, “There are too many urgent problems to solve for me to hold onto resources that could be used to help other people.” And you’ve probably seen this quote all over the internet—”People will say a lot of things about me when I die, but I am determined that ‘he died rich’ will not be one of them.”
He’s making a very countercultural decision. Most of us have been taught that building our legacy is our most important endeavor, and that we should put a lot of effort into staying on the radar. Most of us are terrified of irrelevance and we often overstay in jobs, friend groups, or civic roles because we haven’t learned how to find our worth in something besides our role. I’m always coaching leaders that to stay too long in their role is malpractice. Ram Dass famously reminds us that we are souls, not just roles.
I also listened to this interview with Nate Bargatze, the comedian, where he talks about getting out of the way so younger comedians can have the spotlight. After working in obscurity for years, Nate is at the very top of his game right now. And he’s using that space to talk about getting out of the way! I can’t overstate how much I admire this. Nate recognizes something that most of us don’t, which is that we can’t be on top forever. Everything changes, and we can either cooperate with that or resist it. And how much better to cooperate in advance!
I’m a sucker for all the happiness research, especially anything to do with the long-running Harvard study that Robert Waldinger stewards. In a recent interview, he said every drinking fountain, park, or plaza is named after someone who funds or used to work at Harvard, and no one remembers who these people are! The point he is always driving home is that our social health is what we should be focusing on. Relationships are everything, especially as we age. If we embark on a solo pursuit for happiness, we are definitely going to fail.
We can focus on our legacy or staying on top, or we can be present. We can hoard our money and time, or we can serve others. We can stick it out in toxic jobs or relationships, or we can have the courage to leave. We can pursue likes, or we can live in love. We can be timid in giving our imperfect gifts to the world, or we can follow our generous impulses. As I’ve said here, my goal is to die with zero. If I have money, to give it away. If I have love to share, spread it flagrantly. If I have curiosity, to explore. If people know who I am, not to care. Legacy is overrated, love never is.
P.S. I’m proud to have helped so many clients quit things. Quitting is an underutilized strategy. We get trapped in the sunk cost fallacy—“I’ve come too far to turn back.” I don’t believe in that. Reach out if this sounds like something you need help with.
P.S.S. We had a delightful “last-for-now” Wild Within online gathering a few weeks ago. Thanks to all of you who’ve showed up for the last 3 years to nurture yourselves and one another and to my amazing collaborators Emily and Natasha for holding space with me. And we had a wonderful turnout for our Art of Noticing tree tour at Elizabeth Park, raising over $400 for Whatcom Million Trees Project. Grateful to collaborate with my dad, see many of you newsletter readers out there, and have a meaningful way to care for the earth.