In a sitcom I’ve been watching, there’s a scene where a millennial is trying to comfort a Baby Boomer after the loss of a parent. The millennial walks up to the Baby Boomer doing dishes, takes her soapy hands, and says, “Would you like to breathe with me for a moment?” The Baby Boomer looks at her in confusion and says, “I fit breathing into my regular day.”
This was a funny example of generations not getting one another, but it also reminds me of how ineffective we can be when we don’t meet people where they are. Or when we don’t keep it simple.
In my world of organization development, there’s a new theory, model, framework, or acronym every second. Jargon about change, leadership, culture, teamwork, all of us hoping to understand the vexing, exhilarating reality of groups trying to get things done together. And there are lots of people who want us to buy their process.
Here’s a little secret: You don’t have to get certified in something to participate in change and healing in your organization or team. You don’t have to read another book on leadership or memorize an acronym. You don’t even have to convince someone else of something.
If you want to be a pro, I’d recommend these two difficult, yet simple things:
- Get started taking a small action on something you care about. You can either spend your time complaining that something hasn’t been done, or you can write a proposal, have a conversation, create a prototype, say the unpopular thing, ask for the meeting, show the emotion, give the gift. There is almost always something that can be done, and don’t get caught in the trap of thinking it’s too small.
- Tell a couple people at work that you’re looking to expand what has heart and meaning for you. In other words, create a hospitable learning environment for yourself. Tell people you are experimenting with what you say “yes” and “no” to, with different ways to get your work done. Ask people to share how they experience you or something that has worked for them. Talk about mistakes or things you don’t know. Curiosity and trust are contagious.
I’m not the first person to say these things. I’m influenced by adrienne maree brown’s “Emergent Strategy,” and her assertions that “Small is good, small is all,” and “Focus on critical connections more than critical mass.” And by Bonnie Badenoch talking about her therapeutic work with clients: “It is more important for me to trust my people than it is for them to trust me.” Wow.
Things are already happening. You don’t have to make them happen. You’re breathing, the people around you are breathing. You don’t have to force a tool or model on them. Better to sync up with them, stand next to them and help with the dishes, maybe say nothing at all. Keep it simple.