Hello friends! I got so many lovely responses to last week’s newsletter, “Find your Own Beach,” about my pilgrimage to Mary Oliver’s ponds and beaches. Thank you for reading, thank you for telling me what moves you.  

In the Bay Area this spring, I saw a painting at Stanford’s Cantor Art Center that said, “Life is a full-time job.” This has taken up residence in me, and I recognize that I often expect life to be easy. (And, for the record, my life IS easy compared to so many others.) I resent inconvenience, anxiety, pain, or uncertainty. I wish I was living through a political regime that shared my values. When I’m lonely, I don’t want to have to work to connect with someone. And I hate all the spam showing up in my text feed!  

It really helps, instead of thinking of all these things as anomalies, to say to myself, “Life is a full-time job.” Why did I expect otherwise? And, in fact, we know that the constant pursuit of comfort (temperature, on-demand entertainment and delivery of items, blocking others who disagree with us, indulging any craving) actually causes us pain. We need the friction of life to stay awake and in shape! And we need a support system to do that.  

I’ve been thinking about my support system lately and how hard I have worked to set it up. I say this to expose the fact that it is not easy, and it takes constant maintenance. There it is again—life is a full-time job! I need support to take care of the three primary needs in my life—Vitality, Connection, and Contribution. (Thanks to Jonathan Fields and this podcast episode for these categories.) And it’s not a set-it-and-forget-it situation. My needs change, the world is always changing. Here are a few things that are part of my support system currently: 

  • My gardener Wendy Fanello, who is helping me take small steps to make my backyard what I want it to be, despite my haphazard ways and brown thumb. I had plans to plant trees for years, and never did it because I was overwhelmed by too much choice. Calling her is a perfect example of how getting support can be exactly what is needed. I had an idea that it shouldn’t be hard and I paying for help was frivolous. I’m learning to get over this! 
  • My assistant Robin who does the tasks I’m not good at and whose presence and cheerfulness reminds me that I’m part of a team, however small. 
  • My personal trainer at Anytime Fitness, Sofia. Again, I had dreams of strength training for years and had an idea that I should get down to the gym and figure it out myself. Of course it didn’t happen. We need reinforcements! We need help and other people’s expertise! And no way would I be getting out of bed in the dark to go work out if I didn’t know Sofia was waiting for me. 
  • Getting suggested microactions from Omkari Williams’ newsletter. I am so grateful to her for sifting through everything that’s going on and helping us know how to direct our energies.  
  • A little “Democracy Club” I started with a few friends where we text once/week on an action we are going to take, and we report back when we have taken it for a high-five.  
  • Sea Church, of course!! That hallowed 45 minutes on the beach with other people who want to feel alive. 
  • The Open Heart Project online sangha. I go through spurts of going/not going. When I show up for those 20 minutes of quiet, my day always goes better.  
  • Limiting sugar, alcohol, snacking, and eating out. I don’t do this out of a puritanical place, but simply because I feel so much better when I sit down for real, simple food and when I don’t eat anything after dinner. 

Life is a full-time job. It demands we be awake, and that’s not something we were meant to do alone. What’s in your support system these days?