This week, I got to interview the author Laurie Frankel about her novel “Family Family” for Village Books’ Chuckanut Radio Hour. It was easily the highlight of my month, getting to celebrate her amazing work, support my local bookseller, and honor my readerly self.
An audience member asked Laurie what she was working on next. She said, “I’m working on another novel, but I don’t know what it’s about yet.”
Yes. I’m going to carry that with me. In our modern, confessional world, I see us making meaning out of things far too soon. Before you’re done grieving, you’re supposed to write a memoir about it. While you’re taking the trip of a lifetime, you’re posting captions about how life-changing it is. Instead, what if we said, “I don’t what it’s about yet”?
It reminds me of the story of the Zen farmer where the villagers react to his good or bad fortune with the appropriate emotions, and at each turn, as bad luck turns into good or vice versa, the farmer says, “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” The moral of this story is that we cannot tell the future, and our timeline is far too short to know whether something will be ultimately good or bad. And far too short, even, to know what it’s all about.
The poet Rainier Maria Rilke famously exhorted us, “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.” Dominant Western culture really likes answers, tidy endings, up-and-to-the-right stories of growth, certainty. Of the many problems with this mindset (like a little thing called manifest destiny), one of them is that this is not how we become who we are really meant to be.
In talking about a problem I’m dealing with lately, my colleague shared this principle of evolution: When one limiting factor resolves, the next one reveals itself. This has helped me so much. We have a fantasy we will someday know what it’s all about, and that we will have finally solved the last limiting factor. Lost the weight, got the promotion, found the partner, got the degree, healed our mind and body, achieved enlightenment. What frees us the most, I think, is if we can say, “I don’t know what it’s about yet. ”
And I truly, truly don’t. Today was about meeting with some precious clients, noticing the days getting a little longer, receiving two pieces of personal mail, and watching my daughter play basketball. Whatever it’s about, I want to be here for it. Thank you for being here with me.