I’m going to be doing a little experiment. At the end of this newsletter, there’s an invitation to join me.
Since returning from Liberia, I’ve been thinking so much about the healing power of generosity.
Generosity is one of the Buddhist paramitas (4, 6, or 10, depending on the tradition). The paramitas are the qualities that lead us to liberation. Syliva Boorstein says that all the qualities (generosity, wisdom, patience, etc.) “are the natural, built-in inclinations of the human heart.” We possess them already, and our work is to wake up to and practice them.
She shares a story of a meditation group she was teaching, and each participant committed to looking for five times a day (!!) to be generous to a stranger. Letting someone merge ahead of them on the freeway, giving money to someone spare-changing, stopping for a short conversation, etc. What the participants reported is that looking for opportunities created more opportunities. Their lens on daily life completely changed. Instead of proceeding through their days on autopilot or from a place of deficit, they began actively looking for moments to be generous.
In the religious tradition I was raised in, we acknowledged Lent, the 40 days before Easter, traditionally devoted to self-reflection, living simply, and preparing ourselves for transformation. This year, Lent is from Feb 18-April 2. My practice for the next 5 weeks is going to be looking for things to focus on besides myself. There are times in my life when this wasn’t appropriate or possible. I was raising small children, working a social work job or just anxiously surviving. If that is you right now, maybe your practice is better centered on RECEIVING gifts from others, and that is generous, too.
But for me, in this season of my life, I have love, attention, care, and money that is waiting to be shared. And I have many experiences that affirm this truth—giving increases the pleasure and joy in my life. I don’t do it because I’m especially grounded, wise, or good. I do it because it makes me happier.
If you’d like to join me in this 40ish day experiment, there’s a lot of research to support that friends reflecting together might double or triple our enjoyment!
I am starting a WhatsApp thread where we can share our daily acts of kindness, especially toward people who are unlikely to notice or return the favor. If you’d like to be on it, please find me on WhatsApp (Sarah Murphy-Kangas) and ask to be added to the Forty Days of Generosity chat. You don’t need to reply to others who post, and you don’t need to post every day. I’m the one who will probably be paying the most attention, but we will see! It’s an experiment. I want to make our generosity VISIBLE to one another and increase the likelihood that those of us who join this thread will become even more open-hearted. There are so many things that would qualify as acts of kindness. Staying at the mailbox longer to say hello to a neighbor. Complimenting someone on their earrings. Remembering an acquaintance’s birthday. Sending a text to an old friend. Asking an open-ended question instead of giving an opinion. Repairing a relational rupture. Carrying protein bars in your car to give out at the freeway onramp. When we’re done, I’ll probably give an invitation to a short Zoom call to talk about what we learned.
I will be in this experiment no matter what, and I’d love to share it with you. May your days be full of giving and receiving!