My daughter graduates from high school in two weeks, and we take her to college in a couple months. Having gone through this once with my son, I thought I was ready. Ha! Some days, I’m eager for the adventure and flexibility that this change will open up. Other days, it’s the last thing I want. You’ve probably heard the joke, “I love change! You go first.” I don’t want stagnation, but evolution is hard. And saying goodbye is hard. I’ve included a poem of mine at the end of this post about all of that.
And since change is on my mind, I’m sharing a few resources that have helped me navigate it. Often, when we are being tossed around in the storms of life, we just react. It’s the last thing on our minds to be reflective, set up structures that help us, or be intentional. Recently, my clients and I missed a plane at the airport. We were all tired, ready to get home, and felt the clock ticking. We almost launched into a big planning session at the customer service desk. But we decided to sit down, have something to eat, and consider our options. It made all the difference. As my dad says, “If you can’t get out of it, get into it.” Change is something we can’t get out of. It is the only thing we can count on. So it’s in our best interest to slow down a bit and get situated. You might try:
- Jonathan Fields podcast episode about taking 2 years to decide what the next 20 will look like in the three categories of Vitality, Connection, and Contribution
- The interview about empty nesting with Kelly Corrigan that I’ve been clinging to. About parenting adult children, her motto is, “Can’t get enough, don’t need a thing.” YES.
- Bruce Feiler’s Life is in the Transitions and his ABC’s: Agency, Belonging, and Cause, and how our focus switches between those depending on what season of life we are in
- Jett Psaris’ book Hidden Blessings: Midlife Crisis as a Spiritual Awakening. This is where I’ve gotten my primary metaphor for the last couple years. Inside a cocoon, the caterpillar has turned into a protein-rich goo! That’s what comes before the butterfly. Complete dissolution.
- Parker Palmer’s On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, and Getting Old, where he says, “The spiritual journey is an endless process of engaging life as it is.”
- Jen Martin’s A Creative Way Forward: A Guide for Navigating Change in Work and Life. A short, very practical guide to reflecting on where you are and where you want to be
I’d love to hear any resources that are helping you be creative in change. And here’s that promised poem. I cried while writing it!
I Don’t Know How to Do This
They say takeoff and landing
are the riskiest times.
As she takes off, I feel
the fragility of this whole set-up.
I’ve heard the best thing a parent can do
is have her own life,
put herself back in the frame.
I feel myself inching toward it.
I remember how she was
in my body, then the painful
first separation.
I remember every day
was a house of cards,
childcare, work, bales of diapers,
trying to get
dinner on the table.
I remember kindergarten drop-off,
how we both cried,
and the principal, in his wisdom,
urged me to leave the room
before either of us was ready.
This time, she’s pulling me
off her.
Some days,
I want to explore, to take off,
to fill up the whole frame
with midlife freedom.
But most days, I don’t really believe
I’ll find anything better
than this.