I wrote last week about feeling afraid and got responses from several of you, thanking me for acknowledging and even welcoming fear instead of spouting platitudes about how we should be courageous instead. So, fear is one thing a lot of us are feeling right now.
And I’m going to add another this week: Delight. This is the thing with life—it’s never only one thing. My friend Ron told me this week that, despite the grim realities of late-stage capitalism and climate change, he can’t help but be overcome with joy and delight when someone shares they are pregnant. It’s the ultimate expression of and antidote to the full catastrophe of life—more life! Despite every reason to be cautious, pessimistic, or nihilistic, we look reality squarely in the face recognize that delight is part of it.
On a plane yesterday, an amazing mother of 3 children under the age of 5 was traveling by herself. As we were taking off, I told her to consider me a very willing Baby-Holder should the need arise. And then I watched for a hectic moment and offered again. I’ve learned that most women can and will do almost impossible things by themselves, and I wanted her to know how serious I was about my offer. So, she took me up on it, and I got almost 2 hours with that sweet baby, walking her around the plane and bouncing her to sleep and feeling the weight of her head on my chest. The mother took some photos, and I’ve looked at them many times today.
Dr. Rick Hanson has done a lot of work around how our positive experiences need to be encoded for us to get the most out of them. Instead of doing a gratitude practice at the end of the day (which is wonderful—don’t stop!), we can train ourselves to soak in the good while it’s actually happening. I think of this as opening up my pores, letting water seep in and plump up my cells. Holding little Ashlynne meant I couldn’t pick up my book or my phone and gave me the felt experience of really being there and nowhere else. I felt myself getting nourished and hydrated right in that moment. And I need that more than ever right now. Just like disaster and greed is real, delight is real, too. When we choose to live in reality, we get all of it, thank goodness.
And I get to do this for my clients. I was with a client today who’s navigating incredibly difficult times with her team. She laid out a huge buffet of big problems. But before we jumped into them, I was able to say, “I see you leading with a lot of discernment and care right now. I see you slowing down, being courageous, and bringing a non-anxious presence. Whatever happens with these challenges, you are giving this team a gift. I hope you can take a breath right now and really soak that in.” What a gift to me to be with her today. Another reminder to ask for and let ourselves receive support. It may not change the enormity of the problem, but let’s not also be alone with it!
My nudge to you this week—be on the lookout for a moment, however brief, when you can soak up the good. May your version of a snuggly baby land in your lap, and may you be awake enough to know it’s happening.