I went to another memorial today at The Lighthouse Mission. It used to be once a quarter, then every other month, and now it’s every month, many of the deaths overdoses.

Today we remembered “Mikey,” who got sober for a few years and worked as staff in the drop-in center for a while before dying of an overdose. The room was packed with tough-looking men who took the microphone and shared how Mikey encouraged them to get sober, how he listened without judgement. One man said, “I wouldn’t be standing here today if it wasn’t for Mikey. When I relapsed, he called me every day and said, ‘Are you done yet?’ And when I got out of rehab, he and his mom took me out for breakfast. Now, I’ve been sober for 4 years. I’m a 4.0 college student and a father. And I want to live like Mikey did—really caring about people.”

It was clear not all of the people who took the microphone had the same success story. As community members, it would be easy to sit there and think, “Boy, I’m glad that’s not me.” But addiction is the great unifier—all of us are addicted to something, and our siblings who struggle with life-threatening substance abuse hold up a mirror to all of us. We all want to escape pain, to feel better.

How do you need to get sober? Maybe you’re addicted to:

  • Hiding out
  • Blaming your unhappiness on others
  • Shopping
  • Giving your power away
  • Rescuing others
  • Optimization
  • Your phone
  • Relational drama
  • Risk
  • Acclaim and affirmation
  • Self-punishing

You get the picture. The great invitation for all of us is to live in reality, and to get the community support we need to do that. Because surely, we cannot do it alone.

In my Enneagram work, sobriety is described as a feeling of wholeness that comes from integrating positive and negative experiences. Susan Piver says, “The wish for more (as a pain-avoidance tactic) dissipates…so we can bring our vitality and creativity to our true priorities.” Yes.

As always, I’m SO INSPIRED by my clients. They are getting sober. By asking for help, being in unknowing, risking generosity. By making unpopular decisions, going beyond the problem and into the deeper questions. Embracing “good enough” instead of perfection, engaging tension instead of indulging drama. I am so here for that and learning from them always. I’ve got room for a few new clients in 2024, whether you’re leading a team or organization or want to get right with reality.