Maybe I’m just paying more attention this year but is anyone else sick of New Year’s resolutions talk?!

NPR says to set SMART goals–strategic, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. They consulted a psychologist and recorded her explaining this. And another outlet (The Atlantic? Washington Post?) says goals are out of fashion and to set them is a futile, capitalistic waste of time. I feel a little whip-lashed every year.

Then I read this from NYT columnist Tish Harrison Warren:

Resolutions can feel ungracious, a yearly visit from a disgruntled drill sergeant…The point of resolutions shouldn’t be to add another task to our busy lives or another brick on the crushing and cruel burden to “do better.” The point is that renewal is always possible, and with a large dollop of grace we can freely try new things; we can continue to grow and change.

Yes–this is what I want to remember. Renewal is always possible.

The patterns, pitfalls, and even the successes of last year or the year before aren’t predictive. I’m allowed to use completely different measures altogether, or not use them at all. I’m allowed to stop keeping track, or to keep obsessive track of some measure if that’s what my soul is telling me to do.

Given my hardwiring, renewal for me doesn’t look like reading more books or volunteering at more non-profits. When I think about what I want 2023 to look like, it’s one word.

FUN.

Sadly, maddeningly, it’s sometimes hard for me to have fun. I have a good sense of humor (especially about myself, I hope), but I’m not great at lightening up, letting there be no agenda. I’m not good at letting things be unstructured or meaningless.

One of my mantras the last couple years has been “Risk wordlessness.” Try NOT putting words to something. Try NOT having opinions. Let myself be boring, uninteresting, utterly lacking anything wise or profound to say. This, of course, completely messes with my identity. And that’s the point.

This year, what about…

  • More music! Listening, singing, going to concerts, letting myself get carried away, really feeling it.
  • When Loretta asks me, right before I’m about to go to bed, if we can go get ice cream? Yes.
  • When Robin texts me, asking if I want to take a spontaneous cold-water swim? Yes, please.
  • When the neighbor children run up to me at the mailbox? Ditch all other plans.
  • Less housecleaning
  • More short phone calls with people I love (apparently 8 minutes is enough!)
  • When my husband asks if I want to take the dog to the park with him? Yes.
  • Less spouting of opinions, more making things

Self-improvement is too small an arena. Too small a game. Scrolling through New Year’s posts today, I actually felt assaulted by all the instructions. Self-care! Exercise! Meditation! Writing every day! SHUT UP!!

I saw something else from Susan Sontag: I want to make a new year’s prayer, not a resolution.

Yes. I’m praying for renewal. I’m praying for the courage to stay awake to this dying world. I’m praying for the courage to embrace meaningless moments. I’m praying for the wisdom to resist another self-help book, the deep knowing that life is chaotic and unpredictable. I’m praying to keep making fun of myself even as I deeply love myself, and to keep whispering, over and over again, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”