20 years ago, I used to watch Oprah when I folded laundry at the end of the day. The 9:00 rerun was my time. The house was finally quiet, dinner dishes put away, kids asleep. Before endless self-optimization tips were filling my social media feeds, Oprah was it. Remember when she got on her gratitude journal kick? And she still does it—records 5 things at the end of every day. It definitely seems like that is not hurting her!  

When I think about my last 24 hours, my gratitude list would be: 

  1. Making breakfast for Loretta, who’s home for Thanksgiving break 
  2. Having all the neighborhood kids over for hot chocolate after school so Loretta (their favorite babysitter) could see them 
  3. Texting with Yancey while he’s on shift at the fire station 
  4. Having coffee with my friend Matt 
  5. Running into my friend Ben at the gym and sharing side-by-side treadmills for 20 minutes 

It would also be possible to make a list of things that did not happen to me yesterday: 

  1. I did not skip a meal 
  2. I did not have car troubles 
  3. Power and water to my house were not cut off  
  4. No harm came to my loved ones 
  5. I did not have a toothache 

I’m big on this “no toothache” idea lately after reading Thich Nhat Hanh, who says, 

The foundation of happiness is mindfulness. The basic condition for being happy is consciousness of being happy. If we are not aware that we are happy, we are not really happy. When we have a toothache, we know that not having a toothache is a wonderful thing. But when we do not have a toothache, we are still not happy. A non-toothache is very pleasant. 

“A non-toothache is very pleasant.” Yes! But without slowing down enough to tune into this, we miss out on the happiness that’s available to us. Without mindfulness, we notice maybe just the first few minutes the toothache goes away and miss the chance to live in gratitude. 

You know what I’m going to say—living in gratitude is not the same as toxic positivity. And it definitely does not mean we never angry, sad, anxious, lonely, or depressed. It doesn’t mean we are not FIERCE in protecting the earth and one another. In fact, the more gratitude-soaked we are, the more we can live our values. And our ferocity comes from love instead of fear.  

This Thanksgiving week, I am grateful for indigenous neighbors who show us what communion with the earth looks like. I am grateful for many, many White people who have woken up to the violence of colonization and the possibility of liberation. I’m grateful for food banks, mutual aid, the legacies of Jane Goodall and Joanna Macy. I’m grateful for books, artists, and November citrus. I’m grateful to be born in a body that is mortal. I’m grateful for the Salish Sea, the water cycle, and every farmer that feeds my family. And I’m grateful to YOU, reading this right now. May you experience non-toothache (or non-unemployment or non-car troubles, etc.) and may that bring you happiness. Happy Thanksgiving.