Oh boy. Two weeks ago in my newsletter I shared that I’d been feeling low and expressed gratitude for ways clients and friends had buoyed me. And then a tsunami of love came my way! Texts, emails, calls, plans for visits. I was poignantly reminded that, if I ever feel alone, the best thing to do is test that out. The evidence to the contrary comes roaring in. 

The poet Rumi says, “Every need brings what’s needed. Pain bears its cure like a child. Having nothing produces provisions.” And the poet Denise Levertov says, “Emptiness is a cup, and holds the ocean.”  I learned again this week that my primary job is to acknowledge my emptiness, and then be ready to receive.  

Grief, loss, and loneliness prefigure the great grief that’s coming for all of us—our deaths, and the deaths of those we love. As I enter midlife, I feel the shadows lengthening and I think about death a lot. I vacillate between an energized “Let’s make the most of this short life!” and a woeful, “What’s the point if it all ends?!” I’m trying to let those waves just wash over me instead of overanalyzing them or trying to get out of the surf. I’d rather feel alive and close to grief than estranged from the heart of life.  

Some of you have sent me some great resources this week on mortality, and there’s a few of my own I want to pass on, too. 

 

  • Frank Ostaseski’s book The Five Invitations. Stories from Frank’s years of hospice care and Buddhist insights about death that I return to over and over again. 
  • Being with Dying by Joan Halifax. One of the central tenets of my life comes from her “soft front, hard back” model of resiliency. 
  • My friend Ben sent along this model of Grace Notes that he used during his brother’s death in the last year—eulogies for the living. 
  • And my friend Lisa sent this podcast interviewing Walter Green from the Just Say it Now movement—a reminder that the only thing that lasts are our relationships with each other.  
  • The American Book of Living and Dying by Richard Groves and Henriette Anne Klauser which gives end-of-life insights according to the specific spiritual pain of different Enneagram types. This book blew my mind and reminds me that we always have a chance to settle down into our essence. 
  • The Five Wishes paperwork for how you want to be treated if you are seriously ill. A simple tool for one of the most important conversations of your life. 
  • Laurel Braitman’s memoir What Looks Like Bravery 
  • My friend Brian is about to open the doors of Wildflower Funeral Concepts here in Whatcom County. I get chills when I see what he’s creating and how it heals our relationship with death. 

And two weeks ago I challenged you to share gratitude for someone in your life. Many of you shared gratitude for ME, and you also sent stories of thanking others. What you may not see right now is the ripples extending outward from whatever you did or whatever you’re about to do. We know how easily bad news spreads in the world—it’s also true that love is contagious. I want to be part of that revolution. Thanks for being here with me.