Help in Staying Awake
By now you know that December is a very reflective month for me. If you are rolling your eyes, I absolutely don’t blame you! But the point of any reflective practice isn’t just to have deep insights or produce a cute journal. The point is to live in a way that honors my values and helps create the kind of world I want to live in. I recently made a compass for myself (you can see it here and maybe do you own!), and it outlines my purpose:
- Enjoy this life
- Love and be loved
- Help people and organizations face reality and imagine what is next
To do those things, I need immense daily help and structure. All of us need to figure out, “What’s my prescription for aliveness?” There are some things that absolutely all of us need, and others that are very individual. I think of a compounding pharmacy, creating special blends based on different diagnoses. Charlotte Joko Beck in her book Everyday Zen says that we can’t really count on other people, and we can’t really count on ourselves, either. Others let us down and we let ourselves down constantly. So, what can we count on? She says, “There is one thing in life that you can always rely on—life being as it is.”
Well, shoot! That’s the big secret?! It’s both disappointing and relieving. There’s nothing and no one that can save us from our pain and disappointment. We can rely on life, and we can discipline ourselves to notice what life is doing. She says, “A mind that is not aware will produce illness…Anything of which we’re unaware will have its fruits in our life, one way or another.” So, as I reflect on 2024, here are a few things that have really helped me live my values and stay awake to life. Your prescriptions might be different. As always, I’d love to know what they are.
- “Other people’s healing is not my responsibility.” I have repeated this to myself many times this year. It is setting me free to focus on my own healing, and to operate from a place of generosity and awareness instead of judgement, martyrdom, or co-dependency.
- Go outside. Get outside ASAP. Do it again tomorrow. Do it no matter the weather. Be uncomfortable to be amazed. No extreme sports needed.
- A highly imperfect meditation practice. I’ve joined the Open Heart Project online sangha, but it’s just one of the things I’ve tried in the last ten years to get quiet and manage my attention. It’s still incredibly hard, and I need it more than ever.
- Cooking food. Some of you know I used to have a food blog, and cooking is one of the great loves of my life. I almost never make anything that takes more than 30 minutes, and we eat lots of beans and rice in this house. We live in a world where our cravings can be satisfied in an instant, whether it’s fast food, Door Dash, or exotic restaurants. It’s a loving discipline toward myself and the planet to make simple food at home instead load up on expensive calories. I feel better and the ritual is calming.
- If I can’t imagine wanting or being able to do it in the next two weeks, say “no” to new commitments. We tend to overestimate the amount of energy we’ll have in the future and commit ourselves to things we regret. I’m becoming more and more adept at my “no’s,” which means my “yes” is a “Hell, yes!”
- Making things. I paint rocks, make tiny little watercolors, pour candles. Nothing that takes training or a lot of time. We are born to be creators, not just consumers.
- Ignore almost all influencers and advertisements and drastically limit notifications. Of course I am influenced by people trying to sell me things. None of us can hide from this. But I am not interested. I want to be left alone, and for my needs to be real instead of fabricated. And I don’t need notifications about what is happening on Capitol Hill minute-to-minute. I’m not a lobbyist and there’s nothing I can do about it. I go get the info instead of having it come to me. The only notifications I get on my phone are texts.
I’m signing off for a few weeks and will be back after New Year’s. Thank you for being here with me. And I’m horrible about adding clients to my mailing list. You may be receiving this for the first time, and that’s because I finally added you! Feel free to unsubscribe.
May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease.